My pregnancy will be over in the next 1-2 days and I can’t help but feel ready. As fruitful as carrying a baby in the womb is, comfortable is something it is not. I have always enjoyed the thought of being pregnant, but with each week of pregnancy, I realized it was not as glamorous as I had once thought it to be. The bad thing about your first pregnancy is there is no reward until baby arrives. Only the unknown of what each week will bring, as well as the unknown of what motherhood will bring. It’s a weird feeling for sure. I found it to be harder than I thought to bond with my baby in the womb. And in fact, some days I found myself forgetting that I was even pregnant (before 20 weeks at least). I really thought I would have my baby before my due date (which I guess was just wishful thinking). Today I am 40 weeks and 3 days pregnant. My official maternity leave started on Sunday 3/9/14 which was my due date. At first I was a little anxious about being off and me not having the baby yet. But these past few days have actually been a huge blessing. I find myself bonding, nesting, enjoying and craving more moments to spend with my husband, just the two of us. I feel relaxed and ready to stop thinking about when I am going to go into labor. It will happen when it does, or by my induction date. Maybe it’s this gorgeous spring break weather, or the fact that I am no longer having to work, but I suddenly feel like I could be pregnant much longer! Not many 40 week pregnant people will say that J
Yet here is a confession that plagues me just a little: I still can’t picture life with a child. Being a mom still seems like a distant life in the future, that I can look forward to and think “that will be nice someday”. That day does not feel like any day now.
I do wonder what my baby will look like, whether baby C is a boy or girl, what kind of personality and traits it will take from mommy versus daddy. I really look forward to seeing my husband become a father. This is something I can picture well and know it’s going to be such a fun thing for me to watch and be a part of.
As I sit here on the couch in my living room, staring out this grand window at the gorgeous sunny day and share my thoughts, I feel at peace. So many exciting things happened in these last 40 weeks I’m in awe at how God’s hand truly was at work, since we first moved here to Longview. The timing just feels so right for us. And I know now that I am ready. Ready for this miracle of life! Ready for motherhood! Ready for life to get crazy and me to learn what it really means to fly by the seat of my pants.
Just want to end by giving thanks! Thanks to a God who has shown Himself mighty in my life. Who has blessed me with redemption and given me a security in knowing my future is decided. Who continues to mystify me and perform miracles in my heart. Who does a good work in me and gifts me with a joy that could never be experienced otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to be held in the palm of your hand and rest. Thank you for allowing me such a treasure as to be a mother. Thank you for always being ready, even when I am not.
And for all you friends and family out there, thank you all for the love and support you have shown Cameron and I while we journey into parenthood. Can’t wait to introduce Baby C to all of you!!!
Now bring on the labor!
Here are some recent pics of us and the nursery:
|Cam and I at dinner on 3-12-14|